Parable of the Grief Boulder
What if you had a huge boulder of grief rolling along behind you your whole life – being chased like the boulder chasing Indiana Jones? It started when you were a little kid, in total terror running to get out of it’s way, and being crushed and bruised if you weren’t fast enough.
As you grew into a teenager, since you were growing stronger, you realized sometimes you could outrun the ball of grief. It became a game of cat-and-mouse, a strategy. Sometimes you’d run really fast and get ahead enough so you could stop and play, but you always had to keep an alert eye out for the ball so when you saw it coming in the distance you’d wrap up your fun quick and start running again.
Somewhere around your late 40’s you started slowing down. You couldn’t keep ahead of the ball as easy – it was nipping at your heels all the time. Then one day, the grief ball squashed you flat.
Now, laying flat under the ball of grief, it keeps you immobile. It’s like being in a tomb. Being the perpetual optimist sometimes you just lie there and think ‘at least I’m not running anymore and I can finally rest!’ But much of the time it’s alternately terrifying and frustrating to not be able to move, do, achieve, be the person you want to be, and unable to experience all the good in your life.
You can easily cope with anger and fear – because anger and fear are both energy and can help you move and function. But grief…grief is like being housed immobile and silent under a large stone in a dark tomb.